Ep. 05: Connecting Parents and Adolescence

Today, joining the program with me is Ms. Huyền (name has been changed), a parent of a child in adolescence. Let’s listen to her heartfelt sharing and draw some lessons for ourselves.

1. Introduction
MC: Hello, Ms. Huyền. It seems like you have something on your mind to share?

Parent: Lately, I feel my child has become more distant. He talks less, stays in his room, and sometimes gets irritable for reasons I don’t understand. Honestly, I feel both sad and worried.

MC: I hear many parents share similar experiences. Adolescence comes with many changes—both psychological and behavioral. But may I ask, what makes you feel the saddest when you see your child changing?

Parent: Probably the feeling that I am no longer important in my child’s life.

2. Sharing Emotions
MC: That feeling is natural. But sometimes, because of sadness, parents may react harshly. Have you ever scolded your child when he stayed silent?

Parent: Yes, and I regretted it afterward. I just wanted him to speak, but my approach made him close off even more.

MC: Actually, silence doesn’t always mean defiance. Sometimes children need to process their emotions. Have you ever asked your child directly: “What can I do to make you feel better?”

Parent: I haven’t dared to ask. I’m afraid he might ignore me or respond irritably.

MC: But facing it might open a door. Think back—when you were your child’s age, if your parents asked you that question, how would you have felt?

Parent: Probably annoyed, but deep down, I would feel cared for.

3. Perspectives from Both Sides – “The Bridge”
MC: Exactly. Adolescents often want independence but still crave attention—like a push-and-pull dynamic. Do you think your family has any “bridge” between the two generations?

Parent: Maybe just dinner together, but often everyone is on their phones.

MC: Phones can be a big barrier. But instead of banning them, you could try joining in. For example, ask about a trending topic online or have your child explain a new app.

Parent: Honestly, I’m shy about that—I’m afraid he’ll think I’m outdated.

MC: But that’s the moment he sees you stepping into his world. Have you ever told your child about something you loved when you were his age, even if adults didn’t understand?

Parent: Not really. But thinking back, I loved comics and my mom kept saying they were useless. Maybe my child feels the same way now.

4. Gentle Debate – Should Parents Be Strict or Flexible?
Parent: But if I always go along with him, will he become spoiled or disrespectful?

MC: I don’t see it as spoiling, but as respect. Respect doesn’t mean letting go. What if parents set clear boundaries but communicate gently?

Parent: Can you give an example?

MC: Instead of saying, “Turn off your phone now!”, you could say: “I want you to rest early so you’ll feel better tomorrow. Can you turn it off by 10 PM?”

Parent: I see—rules are maintained, but the child feels they have a choice.

MC: Exactly. If your spouse or colleague gave you an order like that, would you cooperate easily?

Parent: (laughs) No, I’d probably resist. So would my child.

5. Practical Solution – “Side-by-Side Moments” (4 minutes)
Parent: I realized my child opens up more when we ride the motorbike together. We’re not looking directly at each other, but we can talk.

MC: That’s a “side-by-side moment.” Beyond riding, you could create other side-by-side activities: cooking, exercising, or even shopping together.

Parent: Sometimes I’m busy. Is just a few minutes each day enough?

MC: Absolutely. It’s not the quantity but the quality. Even 10 minutes of genuine conversation is better than sitting together for hours without connection.

Parent: I think I can do that—just need to plan better.

6. Difficult Situations – How to Handle
Parent: Suppose I say, “Tell me about school today,” and my child responds, “Nothing to tell.” What should I do?

MC: Instead of asking directly, try a gentle roundabout: “If I were your friend, what would you tell me?” Or share first: “Something funny happened at work today…”

Parent: So I set an example by sharing first.

MC: Yes. Children often open up when adults share genuinely rather than just asking questions.

Parent: I’ll try. But sometimes he reacts harshly: “Leave me alone, Mom.” How can I not take it personally?

MC: Take a deep breath and remind yourself he’s venting, not hating you. Then leave a short message: “I respect you. Talk when you’re ready.” This protects your emotions while keeping the door open.

7. Closing – Key Takeaways (2 minutes)
Parent: Listening to your analysis, I’ve learned a lot: don’t force, keep the connection through small activities, and share honestly.

MC: One more thing—parents need patience with themselves too. No one is perfect. Mistakes happen, but apologizing afterward matters.

Parent: True, I used to hesitate to say “sorry,” afraid my child would lose respect. But apologizing can also be a way to connect.

MC: Exactly. Children learn that parents are human and can admit mistakes. That strengthens the bond.

Parent: Thank you. I feel relieved and more confident in accompanying my child through adolescence.