How mothers of children with autism cope with stress

Contents

• Allow yourself to be "weak"

• Let go of mom guilt

• Build a support system

• Break down expectations and appreciate "turtle steps"

• The "oxygen mask" principle

There was a time when I worked as a therapy teacher for autistic children. I encountered many cases, and looking back now, I still wonder how those mothers could find the courage to overcome it all.

When having an autistic child, both the father and mother have their own pressures and worries; however, the mother always seems to bear the heaviest burden. They carry a massive psychological pressure that ordinary people could hardly shoulder. I have seen so many blank eyes, so many bony hands, so much skin darkened by long sleepless nights.

I still remember a certain parent who got pregnant by a foreign man right after they started dating. When the child turned 3 and was diagnosed with autism, that man heartlessly abandoned both mother and child to return to his home country. No marriage certificate, no assets, no address, and not even knowing who the paternal relatives were. All alone, she worked all kinds of jobs, struggling day and night to make ends meet and shoulder the sky-high intervention tuition fees.

Sending a very tight hug to all the mothers.

The journey of accompanying an autistic child is never a bed of roses. It is a long, drawn-out battle that wears down both body and mind. So, when facing waves of stress ready to swallow you whole, how have mothers been dealing with it? And how can you stay calm in the eye of the storm?

1. Allow yourself to be "weak"

Society often drapes the "superwoman" cape over a mother's shoulders, but in reality, you are just a normal human being. Forcing yourself to appear strong 24/7 is a ticking time bomb for your mental health.

• Accept negative emotions: Feeling exhausted, helpless, or even angry at the circumstances are completely normal psychological reactions. Do not judge yourself for these feelings.

• Cry if necessary: Tears are a natural stress-relief mechanism. Allow yourself quiet moments to cry and let go of the burden.

2. Let go of mom guilt

Many mothers torment themselves with questions: "Did I eat wrong during pregnancy?", "Did I not spend enough time with my child?".

• The truth is: Autism is a complex neurodevelopmental disorder, not the result of parenting styles or a mother's mistakes. Holding onto self-blame only drains the energy you need to help your child. Learn to forgive yourself for things beyond your control.

3. Build a support system

Isolation is the biggest enemy of families with autistic children. The parent I mentioned above is a heartbreaking example of having to shoulder everything alone.

• Seek a community: Join associations and clubs for parents of autistic children. There, you will find people who truly understand your "language" and your pain. Their practical experiences are often invaluable.

• Professional help: Do not hesitate to seek out psychologists or therapists, not just for your child, but also for yourself when you feel overwhelmed.

4. Break down expectations and appreciate "turtle steps"

Watching other people's children talk and sing at the age of 3 or 4, feeling a pang of sadness is inevitable. But imposing the developmental milestones of neurotypical children onto an autistic child will only bring despair.

• Redefine success: For an autistic child, pointing at a favorite toy, making eye contact with their mother for 3 seconds, or having one less meltdown is already a miracle. Celebrate those tiny milestones. The positive energy from these small victories will give you more strength to keep going.

5. The "oxygen mask" principle

On an airplane, flight attendants always instruct: "Put your oxygen mask on first before helping children." It is the same in real life. If the mother collapses, who will hold the child's hand to keep going?

• Create your own "oasis": No matter how busy you are, try to "steal" 15-30 minutes a day for yourself. It could be drinking a hot cup of tea, listening to music, or simply sitting quietly and breathing deeply. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it is a necessary preparation to take better care of your child.

Conclusion: Being the mother of an autistic child is a journey of walking against the wind. The callouses on your hands, the dark circles under your eyes are testaments to a great, resilient, and selfless love. I hope mothers always remember: No matter how thorny this journey gets, you are not alone, and you have done the best you can!